Brentwood City Hall is becoming the greatest reality show nobody asked for.
For nearly TWO YEARS, tattoo shops downtown were treated like somebody proposed opening a nuclear waste facility next to the farmers market.
Tattoo shop downtown? Absolutely not. Rules are rules. Downtown Specific Plan. Standards. Process. Blah blah blah.
Now staff is suggesting allowing FOUR. Yes, FOUR!!!!!
Why?
Because apparently two businesses have already been doing tattoo work outside what the Downtown Specific Plan allows.
You can’t make this stuff up.
Apparently in Brentwood, if enough people are already breaking the rule, the solution isn’t enforcement.
It’s changing the rule.
That’s not city planning. That’s finding out your kids have been sneaking cookies for two years and responding by moving the cookie jar into their bedrooms.
Meanwhile, an outsider tried to enter the downtown market and got treated like he was attempting to open a tattoo shop inside the mayor’s living room. Shut out.
And the guy helping him? Blackballed. Banished. Put on a raft and pushed down Marsh Creek.
But suddenly we’re talking about FOUR tattoo businesses?
Amazing.
Brentwood apparently has two rulebooks.
There’s the regular rulebook for the peasants: NO. CAN’T DO IT. SPECIFIC PLAN. PROCESS. STAFF REVIEW. COME BACK IN SIX MONTHS.
Then there’s apparently the VIP rulebook: Oh, you’ve already been doing it? LOL. Our bad. Let’s change the ordinance.
At this point, I genuinely want to know how you get into this club.
Is there an application?
A secret handshake?
Do you need a Brentwood City Hall Costco card where if you collect enough friendship points and eventually unlock the “Rules No Longer Apply” achievement?
Because from the outside looking in, the appearance of favoritism is getting harder and harder to ignore.
Look no further than the Brentwood Planning Commission Turns East County Services Center Into Political Theater. Or, the Brentwood Planning Commission – Three Businesses, Three Different Standards. Further back, the downtown Brentwood Fire Station. Or the ice rink fiasco. Or the Popeye’s Project denial. Or Brentwood Going Nanny State on a Taqueria.
And most recently, Lori Johns Abreu has her own story you can watch regarding alleyway and a box truck… Brentwood basically made up the rules as they go.
If City Hall likes you, Moses parts the Red Sea.
If they don’t?
Suddenly every comma in the municipal code is sacred scripture handed down from Mount Diablo.
Maybe it’s time somebody outside City Hall takes a look at how these decisions are being made, who gets accommodated, who gets told no, and whether Brentwood is actually applying its rules consistently.
Contra Costa County Civil Grand Jury, your table is ready.
Because Brentwood doesn’t need another staff report explaining why yesterday’s absolutely-not-under-any-circumstances is magically today’s “Well, actually…”
It needs receipts.
And maybe somebody should check whether the VIP club validates parking.